We’re back from the flurry of the holidays and new year, and we’re digging into dating. Last month, we hosted our first-ever live recording of this podcast, and let’s just say we heard loud and clear that dating today… sucks.
People are burnt out on the apps, the gender divide is stark, and straight women’s attitudes toward partnership and marriage are shifting. Meanwhile, men are failing to put in the effort to meet the moment, leading many straight women to question whether dating men today is even worth it.
We know the dating scene is bleak. But in this episode we discuss what exactly is making dating so miserable today. How much of this is age-old stuff, the kind that won’t resolve itself until we confront the more systemic causes of gender inequality, and the effect that inequality is bound to have on hetero relationships? And how much of what we’re seeing today is caused by the digital world in which we all live, from the apps to social media to the increasing romanticization and sexualization of AI?
This is a free episode—and it’s kind of a PSA on how to survive dating today. But we need your support. Feminist media is under attack. If you want to see us stick around, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all sorts of community features, including any of our future matchmaking endeavors (more on that in the ep).
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Thanks to our paid subscribers for making this podcast possible.
Show highlights…
2:50 The decline of romantic comedies is good, actually.
4:30 Because not all romance plots are created equal—nor are they predicated on equality!
5:50 Nobody Wants This—as in, nobody wants Dax Shepard.
9:16 Reddit users debate the death of dating.
14:50 Marital misery filters down to dating culture in the critique of women’s “high standards.”
18:48 Or is therapyspeak ruining dating?
24:39 In her dating era, not many dates were had, but Tracy chased men she wanted to be.
26:42 Amanda wanted to be wanted, not really be those guys.
28:10 The contradiction of wanting what men have and wanting the love story in which men protect women.
30:32 Tracy’s first real date.
33:34 Dating in marriage is definitely dead.
40:12 But there’s a reason why date nights matter so much to married women.
43:19 Low effort men boooo.
45:15 Are women fleeing relationships with men or trying to optimize dating?
47:12 The timeless moral panic over chivalry/benevolent sexism dying.
49:41 Everyone is burnt out on the apps, but are we really divesting from them?
54:20 And does just being on the apps shut down hot chance encounters with strangers?
56:30 Amanda discusses her own feelings about dating…
59:55 For all the married women who want to live variously through the single lady.
1:00:55 A public call for lover applications.
1:04:00 Strategies for dating with less misery, from dating without the goal of marriage to women filming themselves on dates, then posting it on social media.
1:09:50 Tracy is not a fan of cuddle parties and being touched by random strangers.
1:13:00 Should we get into matchmaking?
Stay in touch between episodes by following us on Instagram: @tracyclarkflory, @amontei, and @direstraightspod. You can also find Tracy and the pod on TikTok. And don’t forget to rate us.
